B A R N U M
A N D
B A I L I E Y S C I R C U S
By Brendan S. Rose
THE AUTOBIOGRAHY OF
1985 - 2023
P E W D I E P E W
Y O U T H
“From birth until the move to Ireland”
1985 - 1997
POLITICS: Clinton Democrat
My first memories are listening to music and making noises to the music.
I remember sitting on a motorcycle,
And a guy ran up and yelled at my mom for letting me do that.
I was born into a good house, bought with my grandmother’s assistance
On my mother’s salary, and my father’s photography business.
My father was an alcoholic, a hopeless alcoholic, he was smashed on the night of his own wedding.
My mother was an irish immigrant, she never became a citizen to the best of my knowledge.
My life was mostly uneventful in my youth.
I made friends with my nextdoor neighbors chris and brian.
Their grandmother was old with some kind of brain condition, probably alzheimers,
She hated me, and thought I was a bad influence on her grandkids.
I was at times, once I made one of them snort sneezing powder, which was commonly sold in stores along side fart spray and drink slushifiers. He would not stop sneezing for like 1 hour, he could scarcely
Believe the betrayal,
I told him something wonderful will happen if he closes his eyes and inhales.
Then I threw the dust right at him, his eyes contorted into confused disbelief.
He was always a naïve one.
I gradually, and overtime, became a bully, associated with bullies. Ripped people off, muscled them around, humiliated people, but also a common target of mockery and bullying.
Too many memories fly through my mind to remember them all.
One time I went into the bathroom and drank a cup of part piss part water,
In the hopes of getting sick, and thus excused from school, which I hated.
I was fine all day, went home with a friend,
Then got sick all evening, and had to go to school the next day.
I was quickly enrolled in a gifted program,
I mostly abandoned my normal homework,
And only did the gifted homework,
It was more fun,
Technically higher level.
In gifted, we made fun of the food, made distasteful jokes about the quality of food,
Took donations for the soup. Gross.
One time I threw a rock at a window in an attempt to break it,
With my friend, then we ran home and hid, we did hip hop scratch
Stuff on his mom’s old records, which were new at the time.
I found my own computer, at some point,
I either had one, or got one, around the time I went to the gifted program,
They had a Commodore 64, which waws the newest and most amazing technology on the market at the time. I was born around the same time computer systems were. As if they had summoned themselves specifically for me, which they ultimately were. I remember we had Wolfenstein 3D, for about a week, before they banned it as offensive, because it had nazis, or violence against nazis, or something like that. Some stupid reason, that great game was taken away, I played the demo for like a year, I also remember hexen, no, some spaceship game in 3d.
Mostly I remember WORLD OF XEEN.
I played that game for like 2 years of my life, and I barely got 30% into the game.
One of the first things you can do is say Shangri-la to a mirror, when it asks “WHERE TO???”
And it takes you to a cheating zone where you can get powerful enough to teleport to the end boss
With one command: Alamar, you can win the game in about 40 minutes.
I also remember rerolling my character like, eternal, like rerolling for 3 hours to make 1 character perfect.
It was the first good open world game,
It’s like a 2D Skyrim, complete with voices from the CD Version.
I fell in love with Stephanie Cho, who still walks the earth,
In charge of a morgue.
Married with a family,
She did well,
But I Never really recovered from being ripped away from my friendship with Stephanie,
When my dunce drunk father insisted against everyone’s vocal objections that we move to Ireland where he an get a good well paying job.
So goodbye to Alex Ng, Goodbye to Anthony and Benjamin chow, the identical twins,
Goodbye to Stephanie
Goodbye to Trevor.
So my dad moved the whole family. I will add to the “MY YOUTH” Section,
As needed, until I run out of material.
I remember wondering if GOD was real, did GOD exist,
Or did god not exist?
I pondered this question and asked god questions in my head.
I was a big NIRVANA fan, and then KURT COBAIN committed suicide.
I thought he was gonna kill himself and he did, I became obsessed with NIRVANA
And went on a years long binge of Nirvana, NIN, and Marilyn Manson.
It has not been established if Kurt Cobain,
Music connoisseur, was aware of Marilyn Manson before his death or not,
But Manson’s first animal, PORTRAIT OF AN AMERICAN FAMILY, was an AMERICAN classic.
Played in censored form on the radio and all over the TV, in 90’s style.
The counterculture was happy in the 90’s,
We felt what we were doing mattered,
They had sour balls, these sour candies you could buy,
So sour it was like half battery acid or something they were so sour,
But when you finally got past the thick caked on sour, it gave way to a sweet sugary relief.
PORTRAIT, gave way to ANTICHRIST SUPERSTAR,
I wanted to be the antichrist since I was a little boy.
The first time I heard those verses I was enraptured.
And my mom already called me BEAST, so it suited me well.
I always wanted to be the antichrist.
I R E L A N D
POLITICS: COMMUNIST PROTESTOR / NIETZSCHE READER
I remember walking through a protest of thousands of attendees, swarming over a huge area,
With GEORGE W BUSH in a suit on noose, I had made with stuff I found, and an old suit stuffed with paper, I covered George Bush in lighter fluid, and set him on fire.
I was dumb, dude.
GEORGE BUSH did 9/11
It was his Reichstag fire for the IRAQ WAR.
Where about 5 million Iraqi’s died.
They contaminated the ground with radioactive weaponry,
And poisoned the residents with cancer and birth defects for decades,
They also poisoned a bunch of US SOLDIERS who bothered to participate.
Among them, JOE BIDEN’s Son, the good one HUNTER BIDEN cucked after his death,
Had sex with his wife, then got a stripper pregnant instead.
Bush just played dumb, made I’m dumb, I’m stupid quotes for his entire presidency,
And everyone just patted themselves on the back as so clever for noticing those stupid fucking quotes
When bush just did a Reichstag blowing up his own Twin Towers,
Or failed to take action intentionally when warned.
All you had were dumb bush quotes.
He committed a Genocide.
Al Gore is still declared the rightful winner.
Bush on the other hand is recorded as the PRESIDENT.
I didn’t get that,
But I eventually grew to distance myself from hippie protestors
As they became increasingly fruity.
My friends and I celebrated the 9/11 attacks,
Drinking and laughing and telling each other their take on the events.
“Well I mean, it’s sad that all those people died
BUT WASN’T THAT THE COOLEST THING YOU EVER SAW?!?!?!?”
The Skateboarders and the Punks merged together with me just sort of overseeing everything
To defend ourselves against the knackers and the drunks.
Eventually we got big enough that no one robbed us or bothered us much anymore.
Eventually we brought in the south africans, who made the whole situation a lot more funny and interesting.
Luke Oxford poisoned this family’s dog,
The dog wouldn’t shut up,
Bark bark bark
So he fed him an E
In a piece of meat
And he went mad,
-Everyone except me
I always liked animals.
I had a Cat named Penelope First.
An old cat,
She was scared of people.
She had been abused.
Sometimes she would let me pet her,
But usually she was scared of me,
But she warmed up over time.
She wasn’t happy at first when we brought in MANTICORE
A cat I stole from a family when she ran away.
At first I just thought I was taking in a stray cat.
But when we found out they were looking for her,
We kept her anyway.
She had a good long life and ended up dying under my grandmother’s care
After we moved back from Ireland.
She ate tuna every day from a tin and loved it.
Humans on the other side,
I was not as compassionate about.
I had a sadistic streak,
Ever since I was a boy,
And I hurt people,
One time me and Rafik Doyle broke into the University of Galway’s Morgue
And took photos of the dead bodies. (Rafik had been practising lockpicking)
He had previously broke in and ripped off the place by stealing the processors
Out of their computers. He was the third best player at QUAKE in Ireland,
Or something like that. Watching him play, he really was an android at QUAKE,
Suicide to fight him on it. QUAKE 2 on Playstation, his advantage slipped a bit.
I liked Mario, Super Mario RPG, Final Fantasy 7, System Shock 2,
I had a foreign PS1, so I could do this CD trick and play games from any region,
Or something stupid like that, I would put in a DEMO DISC of something from Europe,
Then when it had loaded the security, I’d shove in a copy of Some game from Japan
Or USA, or something.
Sean and Joe just floated off into a cloud playing Zelda The Ocarina of Time,
And Majora’s Mask, but I never had an N64.
I had a regular Nintendo in Canada as a little kid.
My friend had a supernintendo,
My parents never bought me one to encourage me to play with my friend,
In Ireland, on Christmas, my mom gave me a Playstation 1,
With a copy of Final Fantasy 7.
I played it for 3 days straight with no breaks of any kind,
Except to eat a few times and use the bathroom.
I broke down in tears when Aeris died in Final Fantasy 7,
I went crying to my mom,
I tried to explain that she was such an important character and it was such a shock when she just died, it was like losing a good friend who had been with me for a long time.
She mostly laughed at this, but she was compassionate.
I kept trying to get laid with the girls there,
I was this close with a girl named Caoimhe gaslan,
I kissed her before I left,
But the heat was closing in on the dead bodies at the school,
I thought it was about time to move on.
I encouraged the family to fly back to Canada,
And thus cutoff my second wellspring of friends,
And had to resort to zero one again.
Finally it never rebuilt itself.
I had a kitten, found a kitten,
Crying in the freezing cold rain and snow,
Eyes all swollen with puss and scabs,
I brought him home,
I took him to a vet the next day,
They saved him,
And he turned into a great cat,
But I was always getting him high,
Eventually one day he just died,
I don’t know if it was me getting him high
That killed him, or if his injuries from when I found him
Were too severe to survive,
But at least he lived a good,
Mostly happy life,
For a few weeks,
I was going to name him ACE.
O B A M A
R E T U R N
TO C A N A D A
AND THE INVASION OF YOUTUBE
2004 – 2018
Politics: LIBERAL (Classical – Free Speech Liberal)
In Ireland I had taken to reading a lot of NIETZSCHE,
I felt he could unlock some my my aspirations towards becoming the antichrist,
And indeed I plowed through THE ANTICHRIST – THE WILL TO POWER – AND THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA.
I found it all very inspiring, and harrowing,
I thought it was sad a philosopher so reviled for his association with the nazi party after his death,
Was labeled as such, when his philosophy so clearly was the opposite of nazi ideology.
And he moved with me through time.
I would note, to this date,
Friedrich Wilhelm Neitzsche, has yet to release a comment on his association with Nazism after he died alone without any fame or recognition, scrawling cartoons of couples holding hands as he wasted away in an insane asylum.
He did not comment on the issue one way or another,
He left it an open question,
But he was after all,
Writing the history of the next 200 years,
So his silence on the topic,
He predicted the soviet gulags growing out of control,
And saw the first signs of communism bearing it’s ugly teeth,
He predicted a disaster would soon ensue,
And he was correct.
With the death of God,
Which is to be said,
The belief in God which had characterized most people’s lives for
Thousands of years, and brought meaning to them, was gone,
To Nietzsche’s estimation, either it had been discredited by the scientific method,
Or if there was a God, we’ll find him and kill him.
At this time I was enjoying a lot of WARCRAFT 2,
The Orcs dialogue was awesome,
Also the farm animals dialogue ruled.
Nietzsche figured that without God to bring meaning to people’s lives,
A huge catastrophe was imminent,
He was mostly right,
Both the right and the left merged into their most evil forms.
Both disgraced themselves for decades.
Communists killed way more people.
But Hitler’s particular mode of execution we shall call it,
Was too much for most Amerian’s to stomach,
And with Hitler Marching through Poland,
And encroaching on Britain, invading France, America was pulled into the conflict
By the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour, which if it had succeeded would have meant the end of the American’s War before it began, but Pearl Harbour was shrugged off, AMERICA invaded, and Hitler was unseated, and shot himself in the head in his bunker with his wife and closest associates.
If he had not followed the advice of Joseph Goebells and invaded the soviet union in Winter,
He may well have maintained his status as a world power long enough to obtain the nuke,
And then an entirely different world history would have played out on the stage,
Mercifully to some, he did not.
However his book still remained.
Most countries banned it,
And it is still difficult to get a copy in English on Amazon in Canada.
My first exposure to Mein Kampf took place in a psychiatric prison.
I knew they were monitoring the internet so I decided to troll them with what I then conceived of as “the worst thing ever”. And I read, and read, and read.
I read the part about a man should not engage in politics until the age of 30,
Except in cases of extraordinary talent and skill.
I called my psychiatrist OPFER AGID (Victim Agid in German)
His actual name was Offer Agid.
I laughed with the nurses about Hitler commenting on how he gave them an outlet to vent their frustrations, the nurses became nervous and uncomfortable after this.
I was in there for breaking a mirror, my mother’s mirror,
After I thought I had lost the tapes of my first relationship with ROSALIE HANSEN.
Turns out the recorder had powered down, or shut off from being wet,
But the tapes were fine.
Aine told the hearing that I was stomping up and down on broken glass in my bare feet, completely ridiculous. Except, I am schizophrenic, that detail didn’t matter, and my obstinate refusal to comply with my mediation that followed for decades resulted largely from that one rather understandable lie.
I thought it was all bunk,
I started flushing my medication, then ignoring it completely.
At one point Offer asked me what color my pills were,
I couldn’t tell him, he committed me.
At the time I was working on my first book DER UNTERMENSCH,
Later published as Mein Kopf,
In which I satirically covered the entire campaign of barack Obama, calling him his alter ego black osama, a heartless psychopathic killer, who says everything offensive it’s possible to say in reverse.
I was happy to be getting rid of Bush.
The book was written half in and half out of the asylum. In the William Burroughs style,
Made to resemble Naked lunch, it was not well received by the staff who said it was incoherent gibberish.
I thought, they didn’t understand what a William Burroughs style book really is then do they?
The book did everything horrible it’s possible to do in a book form.
It was outrageous in the absolute extreme, the worst parts being from the perspective of the out of control god emperor, who lead a perverted Caligula like existence, as unquestioned ruler off the galaxy.
Killing quadrillions of people every day across his galactic empire.
I won’t get into the details, but it was sick.
My goal was to do everything you can’t do in a book.
It largely succeeded, but nobody except me bought the book.
It was around 2007 when I got into Youtube.
My mom wanted me to paint nude models at the university,
After being asked to paint a naked man,
The answer was no.
I was much more interested in this new YOUTUBE
Where you could upload videos you made yourself.
I became very popular initially by making a video called FARMING THE CROW FOR COLORLESS DEMON’S SOULS, which must have stuck in the primitive algorithm a lot, I got about 40 thousand hits on that one.
By the end of my youtube career, I was the most amazing thing the platform had ever seen,
With roughly 2 – 8 hits per video.
And about 1000 videos.
Some moron put the brakes on me around the time I made KILLING STRIPPERS IN HITMAN ABSOLUTION, or maybe it was when I got a bit too overtly sexual in my Persona 4 Arena Videos, or the fact I abandoned my Devil Summoner, Raidou Kuzunoha vs the Soulless Army blind LP….
Some combination of factors, lead to a precipitous downfall in my number of subscribers, shedding dozens a day, eventually it just seemed like someone had pushed a button that said I could not be seen or heard or recommended, and what followed was 16 years of beatings with STRIKES from Youtube, they quickly demonatized me and removed me from my audience.
Eventually a verbatim search for my most popular video titles merely yielded other people, sometimes on completely irrelevant topics. Youtube had decided, I would not be seen.
This has persisted across platforms for my entire life.
This system of censorship has impoverished me as an artist, beyond repair,
I am now effectively disabled on social services for life,
Because no one will allow me to make a living as an artist.
Even though my works are of inordinate quality and scope.
So I can barely eat.
Thanks a lot liberalism.
My whole point was about free speech.
That if you believe in free speech for yourself,
But not for someone you despise,
Then you don’t believe in free speech at all.